Everyday that I log into my blog, I find things to explain, complain, loathe.....today as I sat at my computer browsing facebook I realized something: I may have a LOT of shit going on in my life that drags me down.....but I should absolutely feel blessed. And although I am feeling overwhelmed, worthless, tired and beat down today, I think it's better for me to sit back and appreciate everything I have as opposed to bitching and moaning about what I don't.
I have more friends then I can count. TRUE friends. Ones who call me JUST to make sure everything is okay. One's who, upon hearing my situations and conflicts become teary eyed and embrace me just to let me know everything will be okay. Friends who do everything in their power to care for me, to make me feel loved and to help me through what is very possibly the most difficult time in my life. Friends who light up and get excited when I walk in the room making me feel so special.
I have the friends who care for me. The Smarts. They have inconvenienced themselves just to accommodate me and my kids. All four of them make me feel like I can actually be something. They love me for who I am. Although the kids don't always get along with mine, they help in anyway they can. On my bad days Bannie will snuggle up next to me and pet my head and tell me "It's okay Kiera, we love you." I can't help but smile at that one for her nurturing instincts. Casey, on the other hand, has her own way of helping me. By making me laugh. Instead of being the affectionate one, Casey loves to poke fun at me. She knows that by making me laugh at myself; it's not so bad. These kids take care of my kids when need be. And although they do it in very different ways; they take care of me. I wish it could be the other way around...but when my body refuses to cooperate I KNOW I can count on them for help. Although I don't say it nearly enough....I LOVE THOSE GIRLS! I appreciate EVERYTHING they do for me EVERY DAY!! Paul is the one who pushes me. Whether it be yelling at me to get off my ass for my own body's sake, or encouraging me to go back to school or write music for my happiness. He always seems to know what to say and how to say it to motivate me and light the fire under my ass. Ally is....well,.....Ally. LOL She's a little bit of everything. She has sat in waiting rooms for hours on end and told me it was for the best, she's yelled at me, she's encouraged me, .....she's laughed AT me, WITH me.....it's been an interesting ride with these people! I couldn't love them more if they WERE my family.
I have friends who care about me. Although thousands of miles away, my sweet Shannon still calls and writes me on a regular basis. This woman has been my friend for four years and we have had some interesting times to say the least!! She saw me suffer for two years in a bad relationship, she has seen me struggle with my kids, struggle with the break up and now with this.....and never once given up on me...I love that woman!! Joanie- ten years of friendship came out of me living in Tecumseh, OK for three short months. We clicked so fast and have off and on stayed in contact ever since....I miss her so much but never in a million years dreamed I would've reunited with someone I had known for such a small amount of time. "Sisters" for all intense purposes. :) And now my new friends! At pirate I have Season, Krista, Teresa, Cathi, Richard, and soooooo many others! I LOVE walking in to that place and having to make my way around the room for hugs, and "How are you's" and smiles!! I feel like a star making an appearance on stage! I can't help but be in the best of spirits! And since being introduced to warcraft I have soooo many more people who care about me and manage to make me laugh and smile! Kitty and Hob, Belle! The strangest bunch! It's why I fit in perfectly!!
I have amazing kids. My children are my everything! And although struggling with ADHD, Kennedy really does just want to help her mommy. She makes her bed now, and cleans her room! She smiles all the time, and never walks by me without a hug and an "I love you Mommy." Chey....well Chey's attitude alone makes me laugh. The new rule is..if mommy cusses Cheyenne slaps me in the mouth. So she will crawl in my lap and smack me then when the words "WHAT IN THE HELL?!" come out of me she gets to smack me again. Gotta admit that kid is too clever for her own good! My girls (all four of them) are what keeps me going. I want to be someone they can be proud of.
So many people in my life are at bat for me. Never have I EVER had such a large family. And yes I consider EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM MY FAMILY!!
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