"Tied Up"

I can't tell whether it's a lasting effect from alcohol consumption, co-dependence kicking in, or a depressive cycle starting to rear it's ugly head, but either way today is wrapped in anxiety and topped off with a nice little panic attack waiting to happen. Imagine yourself in a chair, bound in thin twine, on the edge of a cliff while your skin itself writhes underneath to set you free. The twine is the only thing keeping you balanced from tipping off altogether. So you breathe deeply. Low, shallow, controlled breathes....but the harder you try to control your nerves, the worse they get. The worse they get, the more you squirm, the more you squirm the tighter the string gets,.....the eventuality being that it's going to snap. Whether or not you have the right mindset to hit the ground running the opposite way, or panic to the point of falling off is the question. So I sit.....in my chair....wrapped in twine.....and squirming, gasping for air. It's a miserable feeling to not have a hold of your own emotion. To be at the point where your gut is physically wrenching from the amount of emotional bullshit that's going on in your brain. And over what? Do I even know? I can tell myself not to worry.....I wont concern myself....meditate....find my balloon....today? It doesn't seem to matter. Hands are shaky, mind is darting all over the room yet all I can think to do is go to bed? Too much time to myself causes irrational thinking, which causes higher anxiety levels. I allow everyone else's mood to determine mine which causes higher anxiety levels, ......when can I cut the twine on my own time?