Feelers and Such

It astounds me how people can process the exact same emotion in so many different way. Most people feeling stressed or anxious get a burst of nervous energy, which seems to be quite normal. (Or so I'm told.) Whereas my anxiety gets the best of me, my body gives in and in a rush of panic, I am officially over it and want to sleep. This seems to be my coping mechanism. If I sleep; I don't have to confront the issue that is making me feel so antsy. A whirlwind of thoughts and mindless chatter fill me and suddenly I am fretting over everything that causes me to worry. Everything that will happen, everything that has happened, etc etc....it all sweeps over me and in a ten second period of time I'm suddenly ready for bed. I am suppose to work on "confronting my emotions." This has been an on-going practice for some time now. Or was suppose to be, had I actually been working on it which I have not. To look at myself in the mirror and say aloud: "I am scared." "I am nervous." "I am anxious" "I am angry" "I am depressed" Practicing labeling a specific emotion is something else that causes a basic nervous breakdown. I can't decipher one from another.  It FEELS like I'm anxious when I'm actually depressed. It's the sole cause of one feeling that is the more difficult problem. I am anxious because I have a problem that can not be resolved which makes me depressed due to the inability to fix it. I am angry with myself for feeling inadequate over it. On the feeling's wheel (yes Rachel I am using the fucking thing) it says feelings of inferiority, stupidity, and sleepiness are all found under the depression portion of the wheel.....therefore I am "depressed" by using this tool that I LOATHE WITH EVERY FIBER IN MY BODY I am reluctantly able to identify (not process) the one emotion that ripples into a million others.
Self esteem practice: Look in the mirror every morning and say to yourself, "I look nice today." When you look into the mirror and see a woman looking back at you wearing a tank top, jammie pants, a messy bun and no make-up, it's much easier to say "HOLY CRAP I LOOK LIKE HAGGARD DOG SHIT TODAY." This is not, however, part of building myself up. On days when I do my make-up and hair it's much easier to look in the mirror and see an attractive woman staring back. Most of these days, though, I feel like it's not really me. My eyes stand out, my hair looks nice, my outfit is cute.....who the hell is this girl? I'm not used to being an attention grabber so I feel out of place and awkward when awarded compliments, or second glances or even being flirted with. I feel like the body I have been placed in is getting this attention; not me. I should still weigh 200lbs+ I should still be covered in acne, I should still have short hair, still be just "one of the guys" like I have spent most of my life being. I don't FEEL as though I am attractive. Yes I have days when I dress up and look nice and think "my make-up looks nice" or "my hair looks good" I have a terrible habit of picking out particular attributes to compliment while avoiding the overall package which, again, isn't the me I'm accustomed to.