Thought Hopping- The next "big thing"

Today everything is moving frame by frame. Like my brain isn't coinciding with my eyes. I see the image, then after a dramatic three second pause, my brain identifies it. My body still wants me to be active. To get up, clean, organize and so on. My mind refuses to cooperate. "Back to bed." It tells me....sleep off the exhaustion that parallel on-going thoughts create. To the untrained eye, none of my thoughts are related. Just a stream of random what-the-fucks linked to each other by nothing more then the racing of a mentally unstable woman's rationality. Somehow, though, the vast wasteland that has become my mind have connected the dots and reasoned with my logic until they all become one run-on sentence. Everything interacts with everything. Rational decision making and critical logistics are far beyond my capabilities today. Conversations and the unbalanced teetering on the edge of depression have surged me with a long line of "what-if's" I never wanted to consider. Or never did. There is nothing in this world I hate more then second guessing myself. I lack the confidence now to be so sure of myself to never consider alternate possibilities. I was told by several sources that frontal lobe seizures impact one's decision making skills. Ever since then; I make my choice and the first thought that festers is "Was that right? Fuck!! That wasn't right! Or was it?" I say "festers" because this is what it feels like to me. Like a large puss-filled blister that's about to burst and infect my entire being. Never again will I have the confidence and assurance to create a feasible and probable outcome without wondering "what-if"....the specifications of this side effect don't necessarily impact me with such force that I can't decide on chicken or pork for dinner, but it doesn't stop the manifestation of irrational self image. "I HAVE seizures." Not I AM epileptic. But how do you articulate other phrases in such a way...."I HAVE retardation..." See? Doesn't QUITE have the same impact or sensibility. You see now how smoothly I can link one thought to another? This is what my mind does. I couldn't tell you how this post began without reading through it now because I have wandered too far off course.....anyhow....I am going to chose now to have another cup of coffee and lay down....thank you, that is all.