It's Not Tea Brewing

Clouded hazes seem to be the best ways to mimic happiness for most people. (Myself included.) For anyone who reads my facebook staus the phrase "hidey hole" will appear occasionally from time to time. That is my little "happy bubble"...or at least my guarded wall. I have been dubbed "the bunny rabbit" because rather then confront problems head on at the time of their happening, I take my furry little ass into my "hidey hole" and stew in it. Or so it is to be believed. I think my therapist had at one point, actually put it best when she said; "Some people are percolators, they have to simmer and brew over thoughts and situations before coming up with answers." I'm often times put on the spot. "How do you feel about this?" or "There's a million things going through your head right now...start talking" When realistically, my mind is entirely blank because everything has been put on the back burner to simmer for the time being. It's not for the sake of my own self-preservation, or to maintain my little "happy bubble" but rather for the fact that somethings make take a few hours for me to process,...some may take months. When forced into giving answers on the spot I often come up with some bullshit answer that I may, at the time, believe to be true but upon later inspection realize how off I was. Later on I may come back to the same conversation or argument with a different answer, and feel like I had unintentionally lied or misled the other person the first time around, when in all actuality, I simply hadn't had enough time to think it through enough to clear out all the other meaningless nonsense that came along with it. There is usually a very simple base point that comes with every conversation or answer. A one-sentence, non-complex determination of what it all "boils down to." Followed by a long detailed descriptive reasoning of "why" it is this way. The filtering process is the hard part for me. I think most people don't bother with it to begin with. They allow emotions to run them and let themselves speak passionately about their perspectives based on sheer feeling and guttural instinct. Maybe that's why I "simmer" ...occasionally I do that too. Everyone does,...has...will....but for the most part....when someone comes to me with such strong emotional dealings,....I want to be able to sit and consider theirs first. Take in the problem as a whole. Filter out the pointless, useless details, consider in my own TRUE feelings, (not the IMMEDIATE responding feelings, but the TRUE feelings) and come up with a valid response. It frustrates people to have conversation with me. We may have the same conversation many times over the course of a year for these reasons, and every time we speak the conversation may slightly alter in a different direction. Or, if I'm bull-headed enough it may be the same argument repeatedly. But for the most part, every time the conversation is had, or the argument is made, a small notable piece of information that I hadn't been privy to prior to that slips off their tongue and becomes yet another changing factor in the filtering process making it drag out even longer for me to finally come to a conclusion. The bigger the issue, the longer the wait.     
For those of you who have encountered this problem with me; I'm sorry...and now you understand.
For those of you who haven't: try using this method once in a while. It takes longer, but occasionally it takes away the exhaustion of feeding raw emotion and allows you to dig a little deeper..
Although I DO NOT recommend making this a habit.....it really does irritate the hell out of your loved ones.