So over the last few months I've had a LOT of people ask me, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" or tell me, "I know this REALLY cute guy I think you'd LOVE!" It's either wondering why I'm not attached or an overly-concerned friend/family member attempting to play match-maker for me. It's nothing personal to them, just simple curiosity. So for all my wonderful, beautiful, amazingly great friends who just want to help; here are my top 3 reasons why I'm not dating just so we are clear:
#3. I have ex issues. Not "Ma baby daddy and me is in looooove" ex issues, but psychotic, obsessive, abusive ex issues. I handle things the way I see fit and men don't generally like the way I do. Most men want to go Jean Claude Van Damme status on him and all that does is infuriate me and create even more issues. They don't like the way I do things, and I will have issues with someone who tries to step in and try to play Mister Tough Guy "I'm gonna whoop his ass" after I've dealt with this for years and years. I know how to handle my own. I'm a big girl. End of story.
#2. I have medical problems. The list of medical problems could go on for days, but I will limit this to the major problems. Frontal lobe seizure disorder. I have severe memory problems. I wont remember his birthday. I wont remember to lock the doors. I wont remember date nights. It's gonna happen, and his feelings WOULD get hurt because of it. My seizures are uncontrolled and because of that; I am self-conscious. I can't go many places on a date, and the places I CAN go can't be very far away from a place where I can lay down to complete a convulsive seizure. (And no a vehicle is not a good place to do this I've tried. Bruising on my forehead sucks the next day) I claw chunks out of my chest, I stay tired and exhausted ALL the time, I'm generally heavily medicated,....i.e. bad for boyfriend. Because of the seizures and Bipolar (yet another medical/mental issue I deal with) I often deal with long periods of depression. I have to force myself to get out of bed. I DO get out of bed, but it's very difficult. I hate wearing make-up during these times, I dress in sweats or work-out clothes, my hair is usually in a messy bun...I feel very unattractive and unappealing therefore I AM. Therein again: bad for boyfriend. Last medical problem I am going to cover for now is that because of the seizures and during times of depression, my immune system is extremely susceptible to any and every cough, cold, runny nose, stomach virus, body ache, etc, etc, etc....therefore I am CONSTANTLY sick....wrecked much? And not in the nasty whore sense though...
#1. Number and most important reason why I'm not dating: I have two beautiful children. Over the course of the last five or six years, my oldest child especially has been put through hell and back. My kids have seen one particular man mistreat me. My older daughter would be neglected by him, then in a weak feeble attempt at an apology (without an actual apology) he would buy her off to make her feel better. They have had friends come into their lives and show great amounts of affection and then disappear without a second thought. My children deserve better then that. I refuse to allow anyone to come close to them again anytime soon. It will be a LONG time before anyone comes close enough to hurt my kids.
So by now I hope you all understand. I have many guy friends that I thoroughly enjoy hanging out with and being friends. And the next time any of you try to play match maker refer to this prior to telling me how "cute" we will look together or how "much in common" we have. I love having men in my life. I get along with them better then I ever have women. And the guys that I talk to all have things in common with my tastes. So please, don't take this to heart, I love all of you ladies....you are all my dearest friends....but I simply have too much going on in my life right now. Too many complications. There are too many days where even I can't handle all my baggage. Why would I ask someone else to take it on too?
And for the record- some of you have mentioned the phrase "booty call"...as funny as it is (I am laughing as I write this :P) and as much as I joke about it; it's not me....I couldn't just pick a random stranger and hit them up for meaningless sex once in a while. It's not me. It IS a fun topic to laugh about just because sex is my favorite topic to poke fun at (because it makes people uncomfortable which is what I do best) but regardless of what the "good people" of Corcoran have said about me I won't do it.
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